Being in a relationship, whether that is personal or business, do not forget that you can not go into it thinking you can change someone. We as humans are free to choose. We have all been in positions where we have tried to control a situation or person. How has that worked out for you? God has designed us and given us choices. We can choose to follow him, choice A, or we can not, choice B. (Galatians 5:1) The choice to come to him is more meaningful this way. I am willing to bet, you either have a boyfriend/girlfriend, child/children, husband/wife or business partner you are thinking about right now. You have probably asked them a question in which the words, “You need … ” were said. When you pose a question to someone, they can freely decided if that is a priority to them. Let me guess, they did not do what you wanted. Why? Because it was something that that person felt they did not have to do. Frustrated? I am here to tell you how I have changed my “Patterns” and broke them to stay on the path God has called me to.
Let me pose few examples to you.
- You tell your husband/wife, child/children, boyfriend/girlfriend that they NEED to clean up their “insert item here”.
- You tell your child/children, you NEED to do their homework and chores.
- You tell your business partner that they NEED to get those reports done.
Notice the word need. That is what is wrong. You can not control them. God created us to be freedom agents! From this point on, I am outlawing the words “You Need … ” Try this instead, “If you want to go do ______ , ________has to get done. If it is disagreeable to you to go to ___________, then _____________ is going to happen.
Let me give you a scenario my pastor gave in church.
- There was a family, and the father had bought tickets to go to see the Bears play. The game was on Saturday, and today was Friday. He instructed his children that if they wanted to go to the Bears game, their homework and chores need to be done. If it is disagreeable for anyone of you to go, then Alice the babysitter will be here to look after you. I have already called her, and she is available.
In that example he gave, no where in that paragraph did the words, “you need” come out. However, you need to be prepared if they do not do what you are asking. If one of the fathers children did not get those things done, then he would have to follow through on getting the babysitter there on Sunday, and not let that child go to the game. When we phrase things like in the example above, it give that other person the ability to make their own choices. In that child’s mind, the light bulb turns on and suddenly, they feel the need to get _________ done. This goes for your relationships as well.
Do not ever forget to do your due diligence. What do I mean? Here is one other example:
- There was a man, and he really wanted to fill a position in his company. It was down to the wire! He got a resume of an individual that seemed to be what he had asked for. So, without a second thought, he hired him! A month later, that person was not cutting it. Now, he needs to go back to the drawing board again.
In your life, figure out what it is going to take. With this example, I thought of a relationship. Sometimes, when we are focused on getting a boyfriend/girlfriend or getting married, our vision gets cloudy. We want a relationship so bad, that we do not do out due diligence. If you have children, as a parent, never neglect to do your due diligence. I call this the ready … aim … FIRE approach.
Lastly, ask yourself these questions:
- What area of life, do you have pain in and you want to stop?
- What area are you not getting what you want?
- Are some of my pain, in the patterns I continue to do, causing a loved one pain?
Choose to be an open system. When you close yourself off to others or God, you are going to run out of energy. When you open yourself up, and allow God in you create energy and new intelligence. Surround yourself with God centered people. Do not let the old wiring you have, the old patterns you have, dictate tomorrow. You are loved!
-The Organic Christian